A Note From Rob ...
Week of August 16, 2009
The Circles movement has introduced me to some new, healthy and helpful concepts in relationship
building. One of them is called “Ouch” and “Oops”. This is how it works.
In the circle meetings a high priority is based on honest communication which shows respect for one
another. In that spirit, if someone says, does or leaves undone something, the offended person says, “Ouch!” This
says to the person, "That hurt me."
The other person then says, “Oops.” This says it was not intentional.
There are many healthy aspects of that practice. One of them is that is gives permission to be honest with
each other about how we might offend without even knowing it. It also allows us to express our feelings with each
other. And it gives a way of saying, “I meant no harm, excuse me.”
Another important part of this is that no one needs to be a mind reader. Often we expect someone to say,
“Oops” but we have never said, “Ouch”. Sometime we might even get angry that no one acknowledged their
error. In reality, they may not have known they made one.
Like anything else, it can be abused. Some might try to manipulate another by always crying “Ouch.” But
pretty soon the group will catch on to that. However, it allows us to express to each other how we feel, especially
when hurt.
One of the realities of emotional growth and well-being is healing. It is impossible to go through this life
without hurting or being hurt. We find ways of coping by pretending we have not been hurt, venting to someone
else, drumming up support for our position, trying to get revenge and a myriad of harmful ways. A more healthy
manner is honest communication; speaking the truth in love.
I often tell couples planning on marriage that a sure way to damage their relationship is when they talk
about each other to someone else or talk at each other instead of talking with each other.
If that is true, then a sure way to build and heal relationships is to talk with one another. Communication
is the bridge to better relationships.
I hope to see you Sunday.
RETURN
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